You're young. Just Have Fun!

Everyone always tells me,

"You're young , you have plenty of time to mess around and then decide what you want to do. Just have fun"

Being as I am, in less than a month, graduating from high school; my mother (who recently just started her own company) & I were having the discussion as what I want to do with my life. I decided to be honest and tell her I have no idea. In her mind not knowing what I want to do is a bizarre concept, at 18, she had a baby. She knew what she was gonna do with her life. She finally just told me,

"Just pick something." 

A few weeks later I was talking to my 23 year old sister, who is married and doing well at her corporate job, about what I really desire to do. I told her I'm passionate about many things and just cant decide. I proceed to tell her about what our mom had said. She told me,
"I look at the people that I'm around, just like mom, and they are in their 40's or older, just now deciding what to do with their life. I don't have to know, I have time to figure it out."

As I think about all the things people tell me, especially these three quotes, I struggle with them.; not because they are wrong or that these people don't know me. Just the concept of picking something just because it's something to do drives me crazy.

 It seems that everyone thinks that this isn't a big deal as I'm making it out to be.

To me, this decision is going to lead the way to the rest of my life.  Not only is it going to lead the way, but imagine what I could accomplish if I started this young. Imagine if all the people in their 40's or older knew what they were gonna do at my age. Imagine where the world would be. I know I can make difference & don't want to pretend that this is just the "time to have fun."

Things I miss about You

I miss this.

I miss your laugh,
I miss the way your eyes scrunch up just enough when you smile,
I miss the way the atmosphere would change when we were together.

I miss the spider man kisses with my nerdy girl "I cant kiss" kisses,
I miss the way your hand wrapped around mine,
I miss the way your voice always fixed everything.

I miss the late night phone calls,
I miss your hugs,
I miss the way you smell.

I miss the introductions, the firsts, all the little things.
I miss your bed & late night movies.
I miss you. I just wish you knew.

When the truth comes out all I have left to say is..


I love you.

Factualism aspersion

This one is a bit depressing (or maybe its not.) It has been about 10 months since I wrote this one, figured I'd post it.



Though flesh contains the scream from within,
they beg for her to speak once again.

Speak Baby Speak!

She holds her head up high when inside she wants to cry.
They say its not her fault & begin to beg again.

Speak Baby Speak!

The words on the inside hover in her soul,
never wanting to leave her alone.

Speak Baby Speak!

You are never alone, she hears them say,
But your actions have consequences of today.

Speak Baby Speak!

With all that's in her, the truth is all she wants.

geriatric words

When I scream, when I shout,
You will never understand the words outta my mouth.
When I whisper, when I talk;
The world will never stop.
When I laugh, when I cry;
You'll never hold on tight
For fear of flight is always on my mind.

A Boy's Innocence

It's true; You left me.
Your tired eyes walked around the workplace.
No smile passed from your lips today.

No kisses will cross my lips: from yours to mine,
And all over again.
For you will never know the way I love...
I love, I love, I love your soul.

You're words cut right through me,
all of me, which we thought was empty & shallow.
But truth be told.. there's more to me
More than you will ever see.

Like thousands of razor blades,
you cut deep within me.
You held the key & you held it tight.
Never using it against me.

I trusted you.
I let you in,
But instead you let me go.

Fear is merely an option you chose to use.
Love is a choice, which you did not make.
Mark my words, I'll be gone before eight.

In the end, with all honesty, you are innocent & naive.