Feelings to Express

I dreamt that I'd tell you,
  I dreamt I'd convince you.
I dreamt you would love me
and I too would love you.
I dreamt of perfection,
a dream so romantic.
I dreamt you would smile
and carefully panic.
I dreamt you would hug me.
  I dreamt we would both see,
together we're better -
  I dreamt you weren't choosy.
I dreamt up the ways
of how I could tell you.
I dreamt up bouquets
and a time and place too.
I dreamt that I told you.
  I dreamt that I could do.
I dreamt that it happened.
  I dreamt of a breakthrough.

instead i told you
at 3am   drunk   on facebook
and i took it back the next morning
-Devon

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/imperfect-perfection-1/

A poem I really liked

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
~e. e. cummings

You're young. Just Have Fun!

Everyone always tells me,

"You're young , you have plenty of time to mess around and then decide what you want to do. Just have fun"

Being as I am, in less than a month, graduating from high school; my mother (who recently just started her own company) & I were having the discussion as what I want to do with my life. I decided to be honest and tell her I have no idea. In her mind not knowing what I want to do is a bizarre concept, at 18, she had a baby. She knew what she was gonna do with her life. She finally just told me,

"Just pick something." 

A few weeks later I was talking to my 23 year old sister, who is married and doing well at her corporate job, about what I really desire to do. I told her I'm passionate about many things and just cant decide. I proceed to tell her about what our mom had said. She told me,
"I look at the people that I'm around, just like mom, and they are in their 40's or older, just now deciding what to do with their life. I don't have to know, I have time to figure it out."

As I think about all the things people tell me, especially these three quotes, I struggle with them.; not because they are wrong or that these people don't know me. Just the concept of picking something just because it's something to do drives me crazy.

 It seems that everyone thinks that this isn't a big deal as I'm making it out to be.

To me, this decision is going to lead the way to the rest of my life.  Not only is it going to lead the way, but imagine what I could accomplish if I started this young. Imagine if all the people in their 40's or older knew what they were gonna do at my age. Imagine where the world would be. I know I can make difference & don't want to pretend that this is just the "time to have fun."

Things I miss about You

I miss this.

I miss your laugh,
I miss the way your eyes scrunch up just enough when you smile,
I miss the way the atmosphere would change when we were together.

I miss the spider man kisses with my nerdy girl "I cant kiss" kisses,
I miss the way your hand wrapped around mine,
I miss the way your voice always fixed everything.

I miss the late night phone calls,
I miss your hugs,
I miss the way you smell.

I miss the introductions, the firsts, all the little things.
I miss your bed & late night movies.
I miss you. I just wish you knew.

When the truth comes out all I have left to say is..


I love you.

Factualism aspersion

This one is a bit depressing (or maybe its not.) It has been about 10 months since I wrote this one, figured I'd post it.



Though flesh contains the scream from within,
they beg for her to speak once again.

Speak Baby Speak!

She holds her head up high when inside she wants to cry.
They say its not her fault & begin to beg again.

Speak Baby Speak!

The words on the inside hover in her soul,
never wanting to leave her alone.

Speak Baby Speak!

You are never alone, she hears them say,
But your actions have consequences of today.

Speak Baby Speak!

With all that's in her, the truth is all she wants.

geriatric words

When I scream, when I shout,
You will never understand the words outta my mouth.
When I whisper, when I talk;
The world will never stop.
When I laugh, when I cry;
You'll never hold on tight
For fear of flight is always on my mind.

A Boy's Innocence

It's true; You left me.
Your tired eyes walked around the workplace.
No smile passed from your lips today.

No kisses will cross my lips: from yours to mine,
And all over again.
For you will never know the way I love...
I love, I love, I love your soul.

You're words cut right through me,
all of me, which we thought was empty & shallow.
But truth be told.. there's more to me
More than you will ever see.

Like thousands of razor blades,
you cut deep within me.
You held the key & you held it tight.
Never using it against me.

I trusted you.
I let you in,
But instead you let me go.

Fear is merely an option you chose to use.
Love is a choice, which you did not make.
Mark my words, I'll be gone before eight.

In the end, with all honesty, you are innocent & naive. 

Explicit Words: None of Which I normally Say

You are life.
You are the breath inside of me.
The blood that flows in perfect symphony.
You are the cries that ring in my ears.

You are the (word I mustn't say) that made this all real.

The tangled fucked up mess in my stomach, set not on ease.
A timer slowly ticking time away,
an explosion forcing itself deep in its surface.

The oosing pus & muck cramming itself down my throat;
deep, twisted organs lost in accordance of where they're suppose to go.

The screams I can hear from across this damned valley.
An urge to save you from drowning in your ocean of pain,
yet too afraid to say those words.
 

Just The Story

Frustration

Pent up anger
Screaming from the rooftops.

If you only knew this one thing!

Running

Barefoot
Sharp edged shattered glass
quickly cuts
Bloody feet.. keep on running!

If you only knew this one thing!

Laughter
Pain
Insults is my middle name.

If you only knew this one thing!

This damn thing

I wish to speak

To say the words I must keep

If he only knew this one thing..

Yes, it's another one of those LAME love stories (:

It wasn't until that night that I realized I was in love with you; everything about you. The way you spoke, the way your eyes gleamed, the way you sounded when you read your poetry, the way you made my world come alive when I felt like I was dying inside, & most importantly the way you hugged me tight.

There was never an "us," you protected me from that. But that night when she said yes to you, I was ecstatic. I couldn't help but laugh & be joyous.

When you truly love someone, the scripture doesn't lie. " Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;  does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13

That night was my 18th birthday, the night you taught me what love was. Through everything you guarded my heart and I will be forever grateful. I am blessed to have you in my life. And I wish you and her the best. 

With all my love,

Tay